days till The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus!	days till Alice In Wonderland!	days till Rango!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I never understood what it means to be contented with life. How am I supposed to relax if I get judged for being lazy? I don't want to be anywhere in this world right now. I want to be in space. NOBODY is going to tell me how to live my life. Nobody's going to boss me, I will not have to want for attention from people, because I know there's no possiblities of them being in space with me. I want nothing more out of life, and I think that scares me the most. Everything else that I want is either hard to get, impossible, or tragically expensive. Where's my goal, what do I achieve? After Uni, then what? I don't want to be a fat, balding animator that gets an average of 4 hours of sleep everyday, and still works at the back of a corps. I'm not even sure I want to be an animator. Sure, it's good pay, but the more I think about it...I mean, I spend at least 2 hours every single goddamn day with my guitar. I have only done one painting in 3 months. Doesn't that say something? But I was having a small discussion with David, and it hit me that music is the only thing that's unspoiled in my life. Sure I studied a small part of it when I was younger, but I'm not like, taking a major degree in it or anything, or teaching it, or in a band. I used to escape with art, but not anymore. Art got ruined by demands. Which is ironic, because demand's what Art lives on anyway. Sigh. I think I should leave music unspoiled forever. Once you study it, and dissect it into little parts that you have to perfect, then it's just zilch. No soul, no rhythm, no primal instinct. Tch. Yuh, I shall not go into music. Which leaves me with Art. Multimedia, to be exact. Think about this. 7 days a week, 7 hours on the computer, working, each day. What kinda life is that?!? Am I doing this course because I am better at it than my other subjects, or because I really love it? I can't say I love losing my eyesight. But somehow, I think over the past year, the troubles in my relationship made me hate school because I was losing so much sleep, and my emotions were massacred into crumbs that were strewn on dining tables all over the world. Honestly, I hated Melbourne for the most part because I wasn't allowed to enjoy my time there. So I'm hoping this coming year I'd be liberated, after all I'm living on my own :) And I'll finally have control over my own time! Silly things like that clog my face and brain for a while, and I have to blog them out. I'm still feeling stuffed because of a problem but I haven't thought about what it is yet. This is just the tip of my mind's iceberg. Whatever. I'm going to put Harvn's face here to destress, so you and I can laugh at it cos he looks like a nervous chipmunk that just received a golden acorn award. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

deppaholic regurgitated at 3:02:00 AM